When I started at Vinje High School, I thought I could get a new start. My hope was that this time I would make new friends and feel accepted by my classmates. I wouldn’t exactly say I was an outsider at my old school, but I just didn’t fit in with the others. I think that was the reason why I was kind of happy when my father told me that we have to move to Kent City because of his new job.
My first day at Vinje High crushed all my hopes. To be honest, it was horrible. Everybody knew each other and didn’t seem interested in getting to know a total stranger. I really did my best and tried to talk to my classmates, but it just didn’t work out. Nobody seemed to notice me. They already had friends that they were pleased with, and they didn’t even try to speak to me.
When I came home after my first day at school, I broke out in tears. Secretly, though, because I didn’t want my parents to find out that I wasn’t able to make new friends. So when my mother asked me how my first day had been like, I simply said: “Fine. I got to know a few people who seem nice enough”. I don’t know why I lied to my mother about this, I guess that was the easiest thing to do at the moment.
I told myself that day two at my new school had to be better than day one. Well, I was wrong. It was worse, much worse. Nobody was interested in me. I wasn’t able to concentrate in class, I was busy thinking where to go during lunch time.
It’s incredible how people can just ignore others. I’ve been eating my lunch in the canteen every day now for a month, and yet nobody has asked me to join them. A couple of times I’ve tried to sit down with some of my classmates, but somehow they don’t seem willing to let me into their conversation. Nobody responds to what I say or answers my questions. They aren’t mean, or anything like that, but they take no interest in me, none whatsoever. Am I really sentenced to spending all the breaks for the next years by myself? I’m starting to wonder if it’s because of my skin colour, are they rejecting me because I’m black. Haven’t they seen a black girl before, or is it just me. Maybe I’m overreacting, maybe I have to step up and introduce myself.
Next day I tried to introduce myself to a couple of girls, I walked up to them and said “hi”, they didn’t response back so I tried to shout a litter louder. No response back, none so ever, I felt like I was ignored, like I was invincible for them. Now I really wondered if it was because of the fact that I was black, my self confident couldn’t be any lower, are they really that pitiful that they don’t want to know me because of my skin colour.
What’s wrong with me? Why doesn’t anybody want me as their friend? Is it because of something I’ve said or done, or is it just the fact that I am black? Is there something wrong with the way I look or the way I dress? I have no self-confidence anymore.
When is my class going to except me as I am? Or do I need to change the way I am. I wish I had a friend that could accept me as I am, then it wouldn’t be as hard as it is to be all alone.
Everyday I come home from school and I act like everything is ok. I won’t let my parents know, they’ll probably think that I’m a looser, I won’t let them down. My whole life I’ve been living up to their expectations, but now have to do what I got to do.
Sometimes I wonder if being teased and bullied is better than simply being ignored. I don’t think people realize how horrible it is to experience that nobody cares about you or knows who you are. It is extremely depressing to go through the same corridors every single day without one person saying “hi” to you. Well, I know how it is, and I can tell you; it’s worse than you can imagine. In fact, I don’t know for how long I can stand this. I don’t know if I can take it much longer.
I wont be ignored anymore, maybe this is the way my destiny were supposed to be, maybe this letter will make the world a better place for people like my, maybe this letter will finally open peoples eyes.
When you read through the text I won’t longer exist in this cold world, ill probably be in a better place, a place where they accept me as I am
PS: Mom, Dad, I’m sorry I let you down.