the story is based on the photo on page 35.
Being a tribe leader is no easy job. But being the tribe leader's wife, is not so easy either. All my adult life, I had been standing by my husband in his every decision. Even though I thought he was making the wrong decision, I stood by - faithfully.
I loved him, more than anything, and when the time came, and he wanted to have children, I disposed myself. We tried, over and over and over. He became more and more cloistered, and after a few years, we were both so disappointed and crabby, that we hardly talked to each other any more. We kept trying though, without much enthusiasm. I was really unhappy and I could hardly look him in the eyes, because I though it was my fault. Maybe I wasn't doing it right. Maybe I wasn't good enough. Maybe there was something wrong with me.
We tried everything. Herbal tea, massages, hot baths, etc. Everything. But nothing worked. He took it really hard, and I prayed everyday for a miracle. But it was useless. I wasn't able to give him a baby.
Time went on, and I wasn't getting any younger. We both realized, that, as I was getting older, our chances were decreasing. And then one day, a new family entered the tribe. A married couple with four children. They fit into our tribe like hand in glove. The kids adjusted perfectly, and soon it was like they had always been a part of our tribe.
We all became good friends with the new family, especially me. I became really attached too the woman, who's name was Ebony. Ebony was a really wise and loving individual. Never in my life had I met a human being more optimistic. She always saw the good in a situation. No matter how bad it looked, she would find a way to turn it into something good.
And that's how she helped me through my roughest days. She always understood and comforted me, and she encouraged me to talk to my husband about it. I wanted to, but the truth was that I didn't know how too. I was afraid he would get angry and... No. He would never hurt me.
Time went, and my birthday came up, and I turned 38. The thought made me depressed. It was not that I thought 38 was that bad, it was just that I hadn't become pregnant yet, and we had tried for so long, so I didn't think I ever would. I didn't care about presents. All I wanted was a little baby. But I was certain I would not get what I wanted.
Even though I had nearly lost hope, I opened my heart up, and prayed, like never before that night. I sat there sobbing. My eyes all red and full of tears and my shirt was all covered in them. I didn't hear him coming, but all of the sudden, he was holding me tight. Comforting me. That just made the sobbing worse, and a store of tears for the last 8 years came out. All at once. I don't know how long we sat there, but when I stopped crying, he looked at me, and said that he was so sorry, that he hadn't been the husband and friend I needed him to be at the time, and that from now on, he would make it up to me. I heard what he said, but I didn't grasp the meaning of it, until he had finished. Than he looked at me, his expression wary, and sincere. - I love you, he said. -And even thought we can't have a baby together, I am going to be here for you, for as long as i live.
From that day on, our relationship was as good as any. He once again became my trusted best friend and protector. We both got used to the idea of not having any children of our own. And we were ok with it. Well... In the beginning it hurt a bit to see other women in the tribe with their children, but I got over it. I needed to realize that it wasn't going to be like that for me, and I tried to accept it. It was hard, but my attitude towards it, was what mattered right now. Being all whiny and crabby wouldn't help me. Not my husband either, for that matter. And I decided to be more like Ebony. To try to see the good in the situation. But I didn't. I couldn't. There was nothing positive about not being able to have children, when you so badly wanted to. All I could do, was love my husband and be there for him, like he was there for me. I didn't know what the future would bring, all I knew was this;
-whatever happened, I would not have to face it alone.
Charles R. Swindoll once said; The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, the circumstances, failure, successes, and what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... We are in charge of our attitudes.