Johnny and Leslie are two geeks working in an office every day. Day in and day out they go around the same desks, the same copy machines, and the same computers. Leslie is the mature one; Johnny on the other hand, is not. In fact he is so immature that he got kicked out of kindergarten. He once copied 400 copies of his ass on the boss’ copy machine. He barely kept his job, poor fellow. One day the boss came over to Johnny and asked him if he liked his job. “Yes, Mr. Boss.” he replied. “Well, you can leave it!” the boss said. “Am I getting fired?” Johnny replied in a hurry. “Yes, you dumb silly little boy!” the boss said. “You are more interested in your ass on paper then working, so get out of here!” He added as a final insult. In shock Johnny packed down his equipment and said good bye to Leslie.
The days went by, and it seemed as nothing could make Johnny’s life any worse. But he was about to explore that everything that can go wrong, will go wrong. Johnny was an only child; his mother had single custody even though she wished she had nothing to do with Johnny. His father ran away when he was a child. Johnny turned 23 years last month. He was the weakest and smallest kid in class, and he still is. He was bullied around a lot, mostly because he wore glasses which could cover the entire empire state building at once. Another reason might have been that he looked like Frankenstein made him on a bad day. Yeah, he was an ugly fellow, that’s for sure.
Leslie was at the office, trying to convince that the boss should re-employ Johnny. “Without a doubt, he is the biggest fool I have ever seen, the only thing that would suit him fine would be a scarecrow!” the boss yelled at Leslie.
“If Johnny can’t get his job back, then I quit!” Leslie said. He slammed the door behind himself and went with his nose sky high. Poor Leslie didn’t know you could see all of his snot dangling around in his nose when he was walking like that. He went to his car, still with his nose up as a skyscraper. He took a seat, only to find that he was sitting in the passenger’s seat. “Damnit!” he said. Leslie was an absent-minded guy, he kept forgetting more and more. Finally he got in the right seat, stuffed the keys inside the ignition and turned. It started on the first try. “Oh, that’s a record.” he mumbled. He drove his crappy car over to Johnny’s apartment. It was weird that the car actually made it that far.
When he got there, he went straight in and saw Johnny sitting in the living room, crying. He was sitting in a chair with a laptop which he had got an email on, who would send a letter in these times? Leslie quickly took the laptop and looked for the e-mail. “www.Asianfriendfinder.com, what the hell?” Leslie said. “Not that one.” Johnny said, blushing. He showed Leslie the email which he had gotten from the hospital in the city where his mother lived. “Mr. Arntsen, we apologize to break this news for you. Your mother has suffered a severe heart attack. You are her closest relative so we hope to see you around at the hospital, your mother is alive, but she is very weak at the moment.” Johnny Arntsen was his full name, his father was called Arnold Arntsen, and that was all that Johnny ever knew about his dad. “What are you going to do?” Leslie asked with a humble voice. “I’m going to see her of course!” Johnny said. That was the beginning of a journey that would change Johnny’s life. The two friends started thinking, how would they make all the way to Florida? They had to get some sort of car; of course it took Leslie some time until he thought of his own car. Eventually they decided to use Leslie’s car. They jumped in and set off; of course they got in the wrong seats, again. Leslie as a passenger and Johnny in the driving seat.
They thought Johnny could try to drive a little bit, and so he did, for at least a couple of meters. After those five to six meters the car became less then friendly with a light pole. The car was an even bigger wreck then it was when they started. Poor Leslie thought it would be better if he drove the car for the rest of the way. If you think of how that car looked, it must be the first driving cheese grinder. It was full of holes and not exactly what I would call a streamlined car, to say the least. Leslie started the car and they drove on. The car was going good, until it was out of petrol. “You didn’t put juice on the car.” Johnny said. “What do you mean by juice?” Leslie replied. “Oh, you know the car is thirsty” Johnny answered. “Oh, petrol” Leslie mumbled. They went outside the car; it had stopped in the middle of the desert. They were without money, food or water. Their only option was to sit down and wait for somebody to come by. Minutes went by, hours went by.
”Dead men eat no cookies!” Johnny said. “I beg your pardon?” Leslie said curiously. “Who are you?” Johnny said with a cracked voice. “I’m Leslie, what’s wrong with you?” Leslie said. Johnny had gone crazy by the heat. Leslie wasn’t far from insanity himself, he was sitting on a car hood just half a meter away from it. “I’m fine, thank you Aunty Peggy!” Johnny said. Finally a car appeared in the horizon. A semi-trailer actually, filled with turkeys. They asked the driver for a hike. And some water, lots of water.
They were almost better off when they were stuck in the desert, since the noise from all those turkeys was ten times worse than the heat madness. You would go mad in an instant if it wasn’t for the earplugs. Filthy old pre-used earplugs filled with ear-wax. They drove for a couple of hours then they entered the city where Johnny’s mother was in hospital. When the trailer had stopped Johnny and Leslie were more than happy to get out. They thought they were free.
They had to think again, the trailer driver wanted compensation for the help, and Johnny and Leslie had to help unload all the turkeys. It was back to the earplugs then. There were ten thousand turkeys in the back of that trailer. And they all had to be escorted out in the right direction, the butcher. When they finally were done it had gotten dark and cold, and they needed a place to sleep, of course as everything else that couldn’t go smoothly. All the hotels were fully booked; a golf tournament was on the schedule for this town. Golf fans in every hotel in town. They had to deal with the pavement tonight. In the morning you could hear the sound of turkeys being killed, golf fans cheering and the other regular stuff. “Cool city!” Johnny said. They went over to a local guy to ask for directions to the hospital. The guy they asked was horribly disorientated, since he could not tell the way to his own home, the guys found someone else to ask. Eventually they found the hospital, Johnny got nervous as he saw the hospital. “You know, my mother doesn’t like me. Maybe it would be better to leave her be?” Johnny said. “That’s not true, every mother has a slight love for their kid, seeing it grow and yell at it when needed.” Leslie replied. “My mother adores being a devil against me.” Johnny laughed.
“We go in there, and we get it over with, ok?” Leslie said. “Ok, I guess.” Johnny nervously replied. They went for the entrance, up the stairs, up the hall, and stopped. “We forgot to ask what room she was in” Leslie said, with a face palm. They went down the hall, down the stairs, and in to the reception. “What room does Mrs. Arntsen occupy?” Leslie asked. “She is in room 402.” The receptionist answered politely. “Thank you very much.” Johnny replied. They went up the stairs, up the hall, and up to room 402. They knocked on the door. No reply… They knocked again. “Come in!” An old voice said. They opened the door slowly. And there she was. There were tubes hanging out from her body everywhere. “Johnny, is that you?!” She yelled. “Yeah mom, it’s me.” Johnny said.
“I just want you to know that I came as soon as I heard of your condition.” Johnny said as polite as he could. “What makes you think I need you here, just because my heart isn’t in the best shape?” She yelled.
“Mrs. Arntsen, we have come a long way, and it hasn’t been easy, and we did it because your son cares about you, I think you should show some gratitude.” “Shut up you dumbass!” she yelled. “I told you that my mother love the yelling part of being a parent.” Johnny whispered. “So it seems.” Leslie whispered back to Johnny. “What are you to dummies talking about!?” she yelled to Johnny and Leslie. “Oh, nothing mother, how are you feeling?” Johnny said. “I was good until you two annoying dummies came.” she yelled. “Just get out of my sight!” she said. She was obviously tired after all the yelling. “We’ll just go and get something to eat then.” Leslie said. “Yeah, piss off!” she yelled. They went out to the kiosk out in front of the hospital. “I think we should leave her alone” Johnny said. “I agree, she is better without us there” Leslie replied. “We have to get a hike again.” Leslie said. The trailer driver was not an option.
They went out to the road, and not so long after another trailer came. “He is going in the right direction.” Leslie said “Ok, we can ask.” Johnny said. They went up to the trailer driver and asked him what his cargo was. “I have a load of turkeys” he said. Leslie looked at Johnny and said: “We can always walk.” And so they started walking.