Task 4. ”Waiting” (Based on the haiku with the same name on page 36 in Passage
The dry dessert wind blew layers of fine sand over his worn-out sneakers. In the intense heat it would have been a good idea to seek some shadow from the burning sun, which was now shining on the clear, blue sky. Some palms nearby could have offered him his, but he kept standing completely still. In the distance, a small, black dot appeared over the mountains of sand and dust. For every passing second it grew larger. He started to walk towards it, feeling the excitement grow in time with the unrecognizable person in the distance. He was late as usual, but it didn’t matter. A smile appeared on this face as he meet the other boy’s hazelnut-colored eyes. He didn’t say much, afraid that his voice would tremble. He had to hide all of his emotions, no matter how hard it was. But they kept growing stronger, and he was scared; Scared that someone would find out.
They walked down the old, rocky road. The sun had begun to sink now, and the same had the temperatures. He could feel the goosebumps on his bare arms. Why had he not brought a coat?
“Do you want to borrow my coat?” the other boy said, laughing out loud. How did he notice that he was trembling from cold? Was the other boy looking at him? He hesitated for a second, before he reached for it, sending him a smile. For a split second their fingers touched each other. His heart was now beating, racing like it wanted to jump out of his chest. Drops of sweat started to appear on his forehead, but the other boy didn’t notice, he was too busy fixing his hair. The beautiful, golden hair. It was nothing like his black hair, it danced in the wind, like waves on a stormy sea. He had now caught sight of their three other friends who was standing in the middle of a field, where they used to play football. His heart sunk, the time had passed by so fast. He could hear them laugh and whistle at them, as always, and they making fun of the fact that they walked together, even though they lived miles and miles apart. He laughed and waved back to them, but inside the irony cut him deep into his heart. If they only knew! Sometime he even wished they did.
Exhausted and joyful, they settled down on a pair of large rocks. His muscles were aching, but he hadn’t been this happy for months. The rough game of football was just what he needed to clear his head. Some of them had already left, and the rest of them were planning to go. It was cold, and almost completely dark. He had left his borrowed coat somewhere, and was again frozen. He went out looking for it. It was so dark now; he couldn’t even see his hand in front of him. Stumbling he searched along the field, and after some time he found it where he had left it, under the thorn bush. Carefully he picked it up. It wasn’t until now he realized that he was alone. Just him, and the great, starless sky. It was so cold.
On his way home he took a detour to deliver the coat. The anxiety and excitement he had felt just some hours ago was now back in full strength. He had never been at his house alone. There had never been just the two of them. A gust of wind made him shudder. He hoped he would get invited in, maybe on a cup of coffee. Slowly the door opened. His heart sunk.
“I was just…”, he started but his voice crack. He handed the coat over to the beautiful, young woman that stood in the doorway. Then he turned around fast, and walked away quickly. The door was slammed shut behind him, and he started running. The cold wind made his eyes bloodshot and teary in no time and the sand rasped his skin. The wind had brought heavy, dark clouds. He could no longer see the dimmed light in the small bedroom. The sky opened up and poured out the rain they had all been waiting for.
Feedback: You have written a beautiful story with many good descriptions! The text flows smoothly and is easy and enjoyable to read.