I know I shouldn’t be jealous. I don’t even have a good reason to be it, so why am I so goddamn jealous? I’ll tell you why. For I have been blessed with a curse. Love.
I never even believed in love. I merely believed that a person sought another person’s company to kill their loneliness. That was until I got to know you. You were the strangest person I’d ever gotten to know. You’d burst out with weird comments, you had an extremely odd sense of humor and you were not the best looking guy either. I’d never think I’d fall for a person like this, but I did, and once you’ve fallen in love, there is no way out.
We never knew each other very well. We had talked in small periods, and hung out once or twice, but always in a big group of other people. I don’t think the term ‘’friends’’ would be right. Acquaintances, perhaps, would be more fitting. We were in the same grade, but not same class. But this one day, a beautiful Tuesday morning, our classes got put together, because of the lack of teachers. You sat down on the desk next to me, and smiled at me. Your smile was so warm, welcoming, and real. We talked together about everything and nothing. Music, school, books and so on. We had a very similar taste in most of the things.
‘’Perhaps we’re soulmates,’’ you said jokingly as you walked out of the door, leaving me in an empty classroom.
That night you, and only you occupied my thoughts. I could not stop thinking about you. The way you made me feel, a feeling I had never had before. However, I was absolutely sure you didn’t feel the same way about me. You gave me butterflies. You made me smile, by just thinking about you. And when I didn’t think about you, you were still on my mind, in one way or another. Whenever I saw you online, on facebook or msn, I fought against the urge to talk to you. I told myself that if you wanted to talk to me, you would.
The next days I would see you every day, talking to other girls. You didn’t even flirt, or say anything that you wouldn’t have said to any other of your friends, but still I felt jealousy build up inside me. I felt awful. Just seeing you and that girl laughing and talking, I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. Why, why did it have to be like this? Why did I have to be like this?
My jealousy was pointless, pathetic and selfish. I got up, and just walked away, motionless. I just walked and walked, no idea where I was going, and neither did I care. In the end, I found myself at the edge of a bridge. Tears ran down my cheeks, and my body was shaking. I just stared at the water, trying to build up the courage to jump.
Suddenly, I heard a voice behind me. ‘’What are you doing?’’ you asked. You sounded scared. I turned around shocked, and tripped. I fell off the bridge, staring at in to the sad eyes of the love of my life. You were screaming and crying. But there was one sentence that made my heart burst in to pieces. The words you said, the last words you ever said to me, was ‘’I love you,’’.