I Throw myself round in bed, waiting till sleep comes, wanting to forget the terrible look she gave me. I pound my hand into the wall of sheer frustration, trying to break trough, tearing skin of in every stroke. Oh, why can’t blessed sleep come. My mind screams while my body lies whimpering. Why couldn’t she just have given me the money.
Sleep comes, and with sleep nightmares; I’m falling down a shaft not knowing when I’ll hit the end, falling from the white sad face, running from it. I hit the bottom with a thud, and the world becomes agony, an inferno of a thousand needles sticking into my body.
All is pain…
Staggering up on my feet, I look around with eyes that are damned forever. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Nobody listen. With cursed ears I hear the whispering still, a quiet whisper, silent like the dead. I wake bolt upright, run to the toilet and vomit.
I take up a scissor and try to stab myself. Anything to avoid those eyes, cold and lifeless, already glazing over. The scissor stops inches away from the skin, and I realise that even if life is torture you still want to live as long as possible. I throw the scissor out the window. I decide to turn on the television, trying to escape the feeling of guilt and sorrow.
“This is CBA news, tonight a striking murderer has happened in Core Springs, a girl was found, brutally murdered, in a container by the city’s mall, it is still not sure if she was raped, but police chemists will know more soon. The police have a suspect, and are in search Kramer Oldtower”
I thought I knew that name, a small part of my brain tried to pass information to me, but I ignored it. Feeling relaxed that I’m not the only one with trouble I fell asleep.
I came slowly to my senses.
With sleep clouding my mind I got up to the door, and opened it.
I remember that on opening the door, I found out that there where police behind it. An other thing that came to mind was that my name was Kramer Oldtower.
With these two things mixed together I wouldn’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure out what was going to happen. My body took total control and sprinted towards the nearest window, and dived down 3 floors. After that I woke up in an hospital bed. I yelled in frustrasion and sadness. With awareness back, so came guilt. Those cursed eyes wouldn’t leave me alone.
I lost track of time, prayed to God as often when I could find out something to pray for.
People passed by in a blur, the clock took hours to get from one tick to another. And I rot up from the inside. Someone came in to ask something but I couldn’t hear what they said so they left. In a constant daze, I figured out that I lay between death and life, and death was winning. All the things the doctors gave me should have worked, but my spirit wouldn’t live, so I slowly weakened.
Figures started to haunt me in dreams, and I was sure they tried to welcome me to death, death and eternal rest.
After a while I noticed(awake) a beautiful face along the rest of the blur, I started to talk to her and found myself liking her company. She must have liked it to ‘cause she came more and more often. The sense of time returned, and I started to feel better. I still had nightmares but I found myself looking forward to when she came. I even remember she saying that she didn’t think I could have killed anyone. That made me both sad, and joyful.
The name she has is Glenda, I thought. What a beautiful name.
Something like a week after I met Glenda, a cop visited me. I didn’t clearly catch the things he said after I heard something about me going to jail.
That night I lost the joy of life, and wanted to kill myself...
Glenda found out about my suicide plans, and most surprisingly offered to do it herself.
In shock I said yes.
When death came I welcomed it, thinking for the last time about the girl I killed for some money.
Afterword: Much of this story is rather wandering and messy, the mentioning of time(was, where ect.) changes to suit the mood of a mad man. Anyway, I hope you liked it.