The person one marries is not the person one can be happy with, but the person one can’t be happy without. That is the start of most marriages, but why is the statistic then that 49% of all marriages in the U.S. end in a divorce? (World Divorce Statistics) That is really difficult to answer because people are all really different and have so many different opinions. Many people fall in love and want their special feelings to last forever, and when they don’t, then they get divorced. A couple should know each other really well, become friends first, and find out if they can communicate well before they get married.
More and more people get divorced every year. Is it easier to leave the one’s partner because it’s more common now than before? Many years ago, people thought that a divorce destroyed and dissolved the family. (Leirvaag) Now, many people say that the happiest time in their lives is the time right after the first divorce. (Friis)
To love is not the same as to be in love. Most people knows that the first love will end one day, but the first love is not the same as really loving a person. Many people want the “first love” feeling their whole life. If they don’t have that unique feeling, they think that “the grass is greener on the other side.” That is the worst reason to get a divorce. Changing partners just changes the problem.
Another reason for many divorces is that people get married too soon. They don’t know each other before they get married, but they are in love. When somebody is in love, he or she sees the person with different eyes. People who think they are in love should stay together for a while and become friends first. Some people also say that it doesn’t matter who a person marries because the next morning he or she will find out that their new spouse is a stranger. This may seem overstated, but there is some truth in it. (Friis)
It is difficult to say what a good reason to get a divorce is. Different people have different opinions about it. Unfaithfulness is not as common a reason now as it was before. Some people try to work through infidelity, and some people think that a silly little thing like snoring is a reason to divorce. Some people think that a bad habit is a reason, and some people think that abuse is not a reason to get divorced. So people are all really different.
Different countries and cultures also have different opinions about when a couple can get a divorce. In the Mosaic faith (Judaism), a legal reason to get a divorce is if the couple doesn’t have children after 10 years of marriage. (Cohen) Many years ago, a good enough reason to get a divorce in Turkey was if the husband denied his wife a cup of coffee. (Stalsberg)
There are many things people could do to avoid divorce. If the husband says the same flattering things to his wife that he says to other women, there would be more happy marriages. On the other hand, why does a woman try to change her husband and then complain that he isn’t the man she married? (Friis)
Women fall in love with their “ears” and men with their “eyes”. In other words, women fall in love with what they hear and men with what they see. Men and women are really different, so if they want a marriage to work, they have to fight. Marriage is like a fire – if one doesn’t care for it, it burns out.
Another way for a couple to avoid divorce is to communicate. Communication is one of the most important things in a marriage. A marriage can’t survive without it, but people change all the time. Sometimes a couple change in different directions. Maybe they don’t have anything to talk about anymore, or even worse, both talk and neither listens. Should they then stay together? Bad communication exists in all sorts of marriages. For example, one day a friend and her husband were watching TV. She asked her husband if he thought the romance and excitement in their marriage were gone. He said: “We can discuss that at the next commercial!” They are now divorced! Nils Johnny Friis quotes Sally Poplin who said: ” We disagree a little bit on one point. I want a big church wedding with flowers, bridesmaids, and a big wedding party. He wants to cancel the engagement.”
Everybody says that a good reason too stay together is because of the children. That is wrong. The children notice if the marriage is bad. If the parents are arguing all the time, the children will be miserable. If the parents try to avoid arguing in front of the children and think that’s helping, that is wrong too. The children need love, and they need to see that their parents love each other.
If a couple miss the “first love” feeling, but they communicate well, they are friends, and they treat each other nicely, they should stay together. However, I will say, if a person is really unhappy, there are no reasons to stay in the marriage. It is better to dissolve the marriage before the marriage destroys a person.
- Cohen, Katrine. “Seksualitet og jødedom.” Det Mosaiske Trossamfunn, http://www.dmt.oslo.no/norsk/info_n01/artikkel/jod_seks.html (03.01.02)
- “World Divorce Statistics.” Divorce magazine, 1996 http://www.divorcemag.com/statistics/statsWorld.shtml (02.28.02)
- Friis, Nils Johnny, http://home.online.no/~n-jfriis/si_samli.html (03.01.02)
- Leirvaag, Asbjoern. ”Sambu vanleg i norsk mellomalder.” Uib Magasinet, 2001, http://www.uib.no/elin/elpub/uibmag/9503/sambu.html (02.28.02)
- Stalsberg, Tom and Endestad, Rita. 10.07.97 “Kaffe avec” Dagbladet http://www.dagbladet.no/anmeldelser/971007-anm-bok5.html (02.28.02)
- Seksualitet og jødedom: Sexuality and Judaism.
- Det Mosaiske Trossamfunn: The Mosaic Religious Community.
- Sambu vanleg i norsk mellomalder: Cohabiters Common in Norway in the Middle Ages.
- Uib Magasinet: Uib Magazine.
- Kaffe avec: Coffee