Our house is very old. The wind seems to grab good hold of it, and tries to tear it apart. The house moans and whines. My sisters believe that our house is haunted by the souls of those who lived in it centuries ago. I used to think that everything gets old, die and disappear. I’ve changed my mind since then…
Our baby-sister Hailey was ten when the doctors discovered the tumor in her chest. It was pushing her heart, giving it less space to beat. The tumor demanded more space then Hailey could give. It was killing her. The message came as a shock. Our stabile, safe family of six was quaked. My two other sisters cried for days. Our teeny tiny baby-sister was dying!
Hailey have always been very little, small, short and tiny. She didn’t fit in any of Kathleen, Helen or my old clothes. We are tall, athletic and slim. Hailey looked like a baby next to us. After she got sick, her skin got very pale. She almost looked ghostlike next to her own friends. But still she never stopped smiling. Her blue eyes didn’t loose their shine. Brave Hailey.
I sat next to her in the hospital bed. She did hardly take up any space at those white sheets. In this same room, she had been for months… almost a year. The nurse came in with some medications to calm her pains. She took them without arguing with the doctor’s decision to give her a bigger dose.
“I’ll sleep much more now…” She said to me and bravely tried to smile. I knew that this made her sad. “I’m not scared!” She suddenly said. I felt the creeps down my back. I was.
“I’m not afraid to die. I’m afraid to leave you, to leave all of you behind. I’m afraid to die alone, while I’m asleep. I’m afraid not to be able to say goodbye.” A single tear ran down her face. I hadn’t seen her cry in ages. I couldn’t find my voice. “Don’t be afraid. You won’t die alone…” I whispered. She laid her head in my leap and closed her eyes. Minutes later I felt her calm breath and knew she was asleep. Silently I left the room. She looked like an angel.
I was at the hospital every other night since this. Our family had our own room, because mom or dad always spent the nights at the hospital. But I sat by the bed, holding her hand. I hardly got any sleep myself, but I didn’t care.
One night she sat up. Her eyes were wide open and she searched the room for me. I understood everything and shouted for my mom to come in. Hailey laid her head back at the pillow and squeezed my hand. She glazed at me before she closed her eyes for a second. Mom came rushing in with Kathleen and Helen right behind her. They all looked sleepy, yet worried. Hailey opened her eyes again, squeezed my hand one last time and smiled: “Goodbye...”
I no longer believe in death and disappearance. I feel Hailey every day. She watches over us. It’s been a year. A Christmas, A summer holiday, a birthday, and all has been without Hailey. It feels strange and almost surreal. But don’t worry. If you ever loose someone close, they don’t loose you. They never do…
Based on a true story…
Miss you Kaja<3