“I’m sorry, did you say Zlomph? Not Mars or Jupiter, but Zlomph?” The creature laughed at me; however, I was not amused. “Yes, the planet is named Zlomph.” I just thought to myself that I must be dreaming. “We named it Zlomph. We just thought it was a funny idea at the time”.
We kept walking down the hill, this tall, dark hill. The creature’s name was Mr Hyde, and he found me sleeping at the top, and don’t ask me how I got there, because I don’t know. By the way, I am talking about THE Mr. Hyde. Huge, light – green and very grumpy, he was. They didn’t like strange humans sleeping on the hill. “So how do I get home? I left my red heels at home, so clicking them is not an option”. He pretended to not even hear me. He told me that Zlomph was where all mythical creatures lived. Creatures from fairly tales, horror stories and even Santa Claus were all here, living their lives just like humans do.
Suddenly I saw a bright light, and for a second I thought “Oh God, this is it”, but this however, was not the case. Out of the light came Elvis Presley. Mr. Hyde turned to me and said “show-off”. I reacted “But he’s not mythical, he was a real person!” Elvis replied, a bit dazed I must add, “But the idea that people have of who I was is in fact, a fairy tale in itself. I am the king of Zlomph, and Love Me Tender is the national anthem” Elvis then became my guide for the night, because Mr. Hyde was to busy changing back to Dr. Jekyll. “More luck with the ladies this way” he said.
The King took me to the local nightclub, which was called Sagev Sal. Inside was absolutely shocking. There was a vampire doing the hustle with the Tooth fairy, the Godfather doing shots with Tinkerbelle and Sleeping Beauty talking politics with Alexander the Great. There were lights everywhere, “A little less conversation” was pounding the stereo and The Blair Witch was the DJ! “She has a gift that one”, Elvis said, before all of the sudden everybody started clapping. I thought they’d gone mad, but it turns out they were cheering for the king. “Thank you, thank you very much.”
“You’ve lost your faith darlin’” said Elvis, and continued with some speech about me losing my fascinated view on life, and that I was here to restore faith in miracles. I was about to tell him that he was being absurd, but I got interrupted by Tarzan who had broken in to our V.I.P Lounge. Apparently, Jane had filed for divorce and Tarzan was not happy about this. “It ain’t my fault you keep playin’ with them damn monkeys, not to mention a certain Goddess” said Elvis, before Tarzan swung himself out of the lounge. I later found out from a werewolf that this Goddess was Aphrodite. And oh, Aphrodite is black. People on Zlomph just call her Missy Fro.
The rest of the night just swished by, including me dancing very nifty with Prince Charming and a tango with Daredevil. I tasted something “gooey” at the huge bar, while sitting on these lovely 3-feet-tall chairs a couple of times. And my stomach was not cooperating very well. I suddenly felt a poke in my arm as I was standing with Missy Fro, girl - talking about Cesar and his obsession with lipstick. And it kept on going stronger, and it was really bugging me. I ran to Elvis to ask him, since he apparently had all the answers, what was wrong. He mumbled something, in what is not really qualified as English, about me realizing something. Then, I all of the sudden heard somebody screaming my name.
Again. And again. BOOM! Everybody disappeared, and all I saw was a light-pink raisin, and it gave me a look. The raisin said: “if you are done REM-ing, maybe I can get back to teaching you incompetent maggots about The Solar system.”Oh God it WAS a dream. “Excuse me Miss, is there a planet named Zlomph?” The entire class started giggling. “Zlomph? You must be joking! Zlomph isn’t even a word!” The raisin got upset. “But you can’t be sure, can you miss?” “No little girl, I don’t know everything in this world”. Everybody was now staring at me, awaiting a sarcastic comeback.
“Neither do I, Miss. Neither do I”.